I'd hole up in my room with a book or a movie or my journal. I'd put on "elasta-pants" (as a good friend used to call them) and a sweatshirt. I wanted peacefulness around me. Candles. Worship music. But the most common factor to those days was the lack of human interaction.
Some might say that makes me an introvert...the fact that I'm recharged by these quiet days. I probably am. But there was probably a hormonal quality to those days too. I've had my share of lessons in hormones since those days. Since then, I learned that there really are hermit hormones! Did you know that prolactin (a breast feeding hormone) can actually cause a woman to feel like secluding herself and her baby from the world?
Regardless of the cause, I have my quiet days. Only these days, they certainly aren't quiet. How does an introvert recharge with three chatty girls to tend to? Well, I haven't figured that out yet. But in the brief moments that I do have alone with my thoughts, I think this lack of quiet might have something to do with denying the flesh and relying on Him.
He knows my needs. AND He made me mommy to these adorable noise-making, inquisitive creatures.
I don't have this figured out. I fail. I fall. I snap at my girls. I sigh. I repent. I ask for strength... For wisdom and endurance. I receive. I hug that girl. I squeeze out a kind word. I hold back that rebuke. I resist the urge to hide my head under a blanket. Ha. Maybe not quite literally. But I get the sense that I couldn't do even that without Him.
For the mommas out there serving their babies when they feel like hiding, I hear ya. I don't have the years of experience to have the whys and how's of all this, but I know there is purpose in it.
And while I wonder, He has given me three undeniable blessings at which to marvel.
They may be loud, but they are precious.
I sooo relate to this! I think the fact that I'm an introvert is why, on mornings that I'm up early - before the kids - I actually feel ready for the day as opposed to when I wake up with them, and all I want to do is go back to bed! =) Our house, too, is so loud!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya! I look forward to the season when I don't have a nursing baby through the night so that getting up before the kiddos actually feels physically possible! Of course, then my baby will not be a baby anymore. Wonderful and challenging things about each season.
DeleteOh Jana, I'm right there with you! Some days it's such a struggle to remember that He offers rest in the midst of the noise and chaos. I certainly don't have it figured out yet and much too often find myself relying on self and failing, but I find those days when I look to Him to have so much more peace! I'll be praying you can find a bit of quiet, if not in reality, at least in your heart.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Shauna! It helps to know that I'm not the only mommy out there with ringing ears and a tired mind. And that relying on self thing sure is disappointing! I do it way too often. I'll pray for some quiet for you as well.
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